Too Old?

When I last had a conversation with my mother about a certain topic, a couple of years ago, she said, well, you're too old anyway.

That topic? Having a baby.

I will turn 41 in August. I've known for a couple of years that the clock is running out. But The Husband and I would say maybe, but not now, and think of a million excuses as to why it wasn't a good time to try.

We hadn't talked about it in over a year, because I changed jobs, and we were busy, and well, I could name a million other excuses.

But through a series of coincidences or incidents of kizmet, we got to talking about it again. And all the reasons why not don't seem like any kind of good reason any longer.

So I'm hoping that my mother is wrong, that my good old white trash family genes kick in, and that I'm not, indeed, too old to get pregnant.

We're trying. As of now. I stopped taking the pill. And for the time being, I'm not going to be focusing on trying to lose weight. That seems counter productive to the project under discussion. I'm going to try not to gain any until if and when we're successful. I'll still be around, and should we be successful, will definitely need support after the fact to get any baby weight back off, but won't be posting about non-existent weight loss attempts.

Wish this old lady some luck.

Belly Full of Brisket

It was The Mister's birthday yesterday and I took him out to one of our favorite places, Hill Country, which is pretty much just like a real Texas BBQ joint. They bring wood in from Lockhart, Texas, which is where the BBQ place is that Hill Country's based on. It is absolutely just as good as what I grew up with, and what I still have every time I go back to Texas to visit family.

Since I'm not drinking anymore, I had much more room for food, which was lean brisket, smoked sausage, mac and cheese made with sharp longhorn cheddar, green bean casserole, and for dessert, banana puddin'. I ate until I was full, and didn't eat like I have there before to the point of having a stomach ache.

It's the morning after now, and I do still feel full.

Don't regret it one bit, though I did avoid the scale this morning.

Still on the Way Down

Have been hovering around 152 since the last time I posted. 

Busy. Tired. Work is making me crazy, though I'll take this brand of work crazy over my old any day.

Am headed to bed in about 3, 2, 1.

Tracked for Two Days

Result: 153.5

Why is it so hard to do what I know I need to do?

Still at 155

My attempts to get back on track with tracking are still not entirely successful. And I'm still at 155, though thankfully haven't gone above that.

I had orignially wanted to be at my second goal by the end of May, but that's not going to happen. I do need to set myself a goal, because that always seems to help. So I am determined to see 150 by the end of May. 

Dammit.

Refocus

I weighed myself yesterday after not having done so in a while. It was 155. And then I proceeded to eat like a linebacker for the rest of the day. Granted, I am about to have my period, and feel like each breast weighs at least five pounds each, but still.

Eating like a linebacker was a bit of an exaggeration, but I really have not been focused on eating well lately, and the 3 lb weight creep is indicative. It's all about choices. Yesterday at lunch, instead of going for salad or sushi or something light, I went for spinach and mushroom quiche, a personal-sized one, which ended up having about a pound of feta cheese hidden in it. Didn't stop me from eating it though. All of it. At dinner, rather than picking the salad with ahi tuna, I went for the coal oven pizza. It seemed like a good choice, because I had pictured in my mind one of those small, uh, coal oven pizzas that don't actually have that much on them, because they're, uh, small, and kind of all about handmade, with not a lot in the way of topping. But what I got looked like they'd slid it out of the Domino's box and slapped some arugula on top. I was full after two pieces, but that did not stop me from eating another piece and a half. Then I was uncomfortably full. You'd think I would have learned by now, but it seems I never do.

I need to get serious about tracking again. I've made a couple of attempts, where I'll log breakfast and then let the rest slide, but really, I know where that road leads. I've been down it before. A few times now. It leads back into the 180's.

I have managed to put the cigarettes down, and it hasn't actually been too hard. The nicotine gum is helping, but even that I don't feel like I need that much and probably won't even have to buy anymore once the box is done that I bought last weekend.

So, today I will drink my water, which I've been bad about doing as well, opting instead for diet soda, and I will track my food. And at the business meeting today, I will not keep nibbling at all the nibblies they have around (market testing = bowls of candy in the back room behind the two-way mirror).

Still Alive and Kicking

I'm still here. Still crazy busy. I'll be traveling again for work this coming week, and may be headed to Europe for work the following week or week after. Still not sure. 

On the smoking front, I think I have finally made up my mind to quit. It is making me feel horrible, and my asthma has been kicking up. So yesterday I went and bought some nicotine gum. I used the patch when I quit before, and I didn't like it. Made my bones ache wherever I put the patch. And I don't actually smoke all that much comparatively (been averaging 5 to 10 a day), though I could certainly end up being a heavy smoker again (I once did two packs a day, about ten years ago when I was going through a divorce and was still in grad school), so the patch, even the lowest dose, would be too much. I'm planning to split the gum pieces in half. I haven't actually needed one yet, because I've been tending not to really smoke on the weekends, just at work.

Eating has been ok. I've felt like I've been a little bit sugar nibbly, but the scale has stayed consistently around 152-153. Will just have to watch it as I go off the smokes that I don't substitute that with constant eating.

The weather is warmer finally, so I've been walking more. And my two art classes I was taking this semester are winding up. The painting class is done. The drawing class only has two more sessions, one of which I'll miss this week because of traveling. Am not sure if I'll take anything this summer, but I should, even if I do take one, have more time to fit in some yoga. My gym membership is about to expire, and I'm not planning to renew. There are only so many hours in the day, and I am not interested in spending any of the free ones I have at the gym. Outside doing something, yes.  A yoga class, yes. But the gym, absolutely not.